About My Writing
I am a columnist for Psychology Tomorrow, an online periodical that explores the creative and dynamic nature of human psychology. My articles can be found here: http://psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/author/alyssa-siegel/.
I am also a contributing author to the book “Your Brain on Sex; How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life” available at most book stores and on Amazon.
My Cheating Heart: What Causes Infidelity
To most couples, infidelity signifies a crisis, and they come in flooded with emotion and fairly deregulated. The infidelity sits in the room like another person or an object that was propelled into the scene like a bomb, ravaging lives. Life becomes polarized into before’s and after’s. Some can repair the damage done, turn an infidelity into an opportunity for growth and reconnection. And some can’t, the loss of trust being irreparable for one, the continued anger and blame intolerable for the other. My work is to help couples determine which they will be from a place of awareness and intention.
Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive
While in the past women’s sexuality was in many ways invisible and misunderstood, women’s liberation started garnering awareness in the ways in which women’s arousal and response cycles differed from men’s. In most progressive relationships today, partners will report placing high level of importance on female sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. These seem like undeniably positive improvements. But they are not coming without a price. That price is that when women now cannot achieve orgasm or have a lower than average sex drive, they are pathologized.
How Social Media Affects Our Relationships
There’s no question that something that occurs regularly on Facebook and other social media sites is to spark new or rekindle old romantic relationships and to check in on those that occupied those roles for us in the past. The past is no longer the past in the way it was previously, our ex-lovers, partners, and friends remaining an active part of our present lives.
However, all that said, there are some fairly universal themes and realizations that I have assimilated in dealing with the internal evolutions that take place with clients, with the processes that time provides, and by observing countless people discover them. Ideas that, when I share them, seem to almost always result in a lightbulb moment or sigh of relief. So this is my manifesto for twenty-somethings, offered to those who feel a little lost when it comes to relationships; who need an older sibling that they respect, or more forthcoming and psychologically inclined parents, or who have never been to therapy and had the space and support to figure some of this shit out.
Learning to Think for Ourselves
To start, despite wishful thinking, therapists are not gifted with the supernatural powers that would allow them to understand every human experience or emotional condition, nor do they know the path each individual should choose while at an impasse or where a chosen path might take them. And while there may be the illusion of normal, the truth is that we are all uniquely different, and the process of change is far too unpredictable for any of us to know what’s right about most things.
We are not a particularly think-for-yourself culture. From an early age, most of us are taught what we should do – to simply accept convention and follow it. And although that may rub up against us in uncomfortable ways at times, we usually act with complicity, allowing others to make decisions for us. We become passive participants in our own lives, uninformed in the language of self and unempowered when it comes to our ability to make choices and affect the world around us.